Do you know the best way to get what you want in business and in life?
Ask for it!
I know that sounds really simplistic, but many of the private clients that I work with have a really difficult time with this simple concept.
Many people don't ask for what they want and they go through life having life happen to them/existing.
Let's talk about why it is hard and what you can do about it.
Why Asking For What You Want Can Be Challenging
Could be conditioning from childhood . . .
When we were children, most of us were really good at asking for what we wanted. We saw something and took it or asked for it. Sometimes in those situations we were chastised for that action.
Maybe well-meaning parents or caregivers who did not want us to be selfish told us:
“Everything is not about you.” or “The world does not revolve around you and your wants.“
Over time we got conditioned to not listen to our own needs.
Could be because we don't think we deserve to have what we want . . .
Maybe we believe we need more training/certification first. Maybe we believe we need to do more community service to earn what ever it is that we want. Maybe we just simply believe we are undeserving. Our subconscious self-limiting beliefs can often crowd out logical thought.
Could be because we have been taught to think of other people . . .
Thinking of others is a very good thing to do. However, sometimes people will not ask for what they want because they think it will hurt or inconvenience another person.
I'm not suggesting that we all become selfish.
I'm suggesting you live your truth rather than conforming to what you think others want.
I'm suggesting that it is possible to ask for what we want with an open heart.
When you ask for what you want you are communicating clearly. Tweet
Many personal and business conversations go askew when people become vague in their communications. Clearly stating what you want in a situation allows the other person to truly understand where you are coming from.
When you have your heart open in the process you are open to alternatives.
Ask for what you want and be open to suggested alternatives and negotiation. By asking for what you want and allowing the other person to do the same, both parties are able to come to agreeable decisions (most of the time).
When you do that you get more of what you want out of life! Make room for you! You are really important.
When you ask for what you want, you allow other people to bless you. Tweet
Everyone is born with different skills and gifts and the ability to help someone else succeed. What if, today, you identified one thing that you need help with and then asked a person that could help? Think about it for a minute. I know you are a giving person. You like blessing others and helping by sharing what you know! What if, you let someone else have that feeling? What if you allowed yourself to receive a blessing? Allow others the privilege of being a blessing.
The other day I was talking with a private client and we were looking for times for a few additional sessions.
She says, “We are on vacation next week, but I'm happy to meet with you while we are on vacation because I know you are really busy …”
At that point in the conversation I stopped and asked if her suggestion was really what she wanted. In our sessions we had talked about her lifestyle business and the freedom she wanted to experience, so I did not believe it was.
She acknowledged that she would rather not meet while on vacation, but was concerned about me and my schedule.
The funny thing was, she did not know what my schedule looked like.
I told her that it was wonderful that she was being considerate of me and I was very grateful for that, but that I wanted her to start claiming what was right for her!
It really is OK to ask for what you want!
Rather than saying “I'm willing to give you everything. I'm willing to work during my vacation because I know you are really busy.”
Here is an alternative way to approach it:
“You know what Stephanie, I'm on vacation from X to X, so would it be ok with you if we met on X?”
By asking in this way she could:
- asking for what she wanted
- doing it in a respectful way
- gives me the space to say , that does not work for me could we do X instead.
Remember, it is important to honor you as much as you honor everyone else!
What do you think? Please share your thoughts below in the comments. Do you ask for what you want? Do you practice this in your personal life and business? What do you think?
Until we talk again,