The other day I was taking a walk with Danny (my ever faithful Havanese) and I really took in the look around us. We had an unusual cold snap a few weeks ago and all of our trees dropped their leaves at the same time.
On one hand, it made quite a mess! On the other, we raked them all at once and have not had to rake since.
That got me thinking about entrepreneurs and letting go. More specifically, this entrepreneur (me) and what she is letting go and encouraging others to do too!
It's time to Shed the “Shoulds” In Life!
shed 1 (shd)
– To diffuse or radiate; send forth or impart: shed light.
– To repel without allowing penetration: A duck's feathers shed water.
– To lose by natural process: a snake shedding its skin.
– To rid oneself of (something not wanted or needed): I shed 25 pounds as a result of my new diet.
I'm Choosing Not to “Should” Myself Anymore
Earlier this year, I decided to SHED THE SHOULDS! I'm either going to do something or I'm not.
At that time, I had a number of books that I felt I “should” read but had not. Some of them had been on my bookshelf for years collecting dust! (Note: I'm an avid reader.) So, I sat quietly and really asked myself and listened to my heart.
Why was I not reading X book? Sometimes it was because I was just not interested. Sometimes it was because I was afraid of what I might “need” to do as a result of reading X book. etc. etc. The reasons went on for each book.
After going through that exercise I became really clear on what I was and was not going to read. There were no more “shoulds” only what I was and was not going to do. It was freeing! I gave away many books at that point and the guilt was gone. It hasn't come back.
After that experience, I looked at other areas of my business and my life that I was “shoulding” myself and let those go too.
What “Shoulds” Could You Let Go?
Taking stock of the mental clutter that you put up with on a regular basis and letting it go is a great way to make sure you are starting the next season on a good note.
What things have you been telling yourself you “should” do, but you have not done them?
Your challenge for this week: Shed your shoulds! Make them either a doing or a won't do and then schedule accordingly.
Experience Your Truth!
Until we talk again,
Live Fully — Love Openly — Laugh Often — Leverage Your Brilliance — Connect Authentically — Get Your Message Out — Serve with Impact — Prosper Everyday
Christine Alejandro says
For the past couple of years, I have said I should hire a VA and while I have interviewed a few and tried out a couple- nothing worked out quite the way I wanted. I finally just got really clear about what I “needed” to do in my business, not what I “should” do and it became easier to write down all the tasks that were so time consuming that a VA could do and I put an ad on guru and read through a dozen or so answers and found a VA. She has been working hard for the past week and I see results that will allow me to do what I “want” to do in my business.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Isn’t clarity wonderful Christine? I love your distinction around “need” and “should.” Congratulations on taking inspired action and getting things done! I’m curious, tell me more about guru. Have not heard of that one.
Audrey says
I just loved this post Stephanie. It spoke so loudly to me. 🙂 Like Tai I have GOT to STOP looking at what others are doing and jump with both feet and so my own thing. It’s great to get ideas from other’s but when all you do is wish you could have thought about that idea and not do anything then you’re not moving forward and staying stagnant. I’m not doing that anymore. Instead of saying I “Should” do something your post is prompting me to take that “Should” and turn it into an “I did it” statement. Thanks for the prompting. Audrey
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Hi Audrey – It is such a wonderful compliment to hear that your thinking shifted from reading. I love hearing that you are CLAIMING YOUR BRILLIANCE and choosing to do your own thing. What is the first thing you will move forward?
Tai Goodwin says
One of the “Shoulds” I’ve let go of is looking at other people’s blogs or Facebook postings and saying I should do something like that. That was something contributing to my Bright Shiny Object Syndrome. Thanks for this reminder Stephanie.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Tai – Oh THANK YOU for sharing that one. That is a should I let go of too. You raise a wonderful point too. The BSOs – bright shiny objects can catch you up quickly. Glad you are too smart for them. 😉
Brenda Adams says
Such a great topic! This is one that I go over with my clients when we are talking about setting goals. Often they will say, “I really should (lose weight, eat better, be more active…..)”. And my question is always, “want do you WANT to do?” Thank you for sharing such a simple and powerful example of how you used letting go of should to clear our your library – having all those shoulds hanging over us is exhausting!
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Brenda – I can completely see how this concept would be helpful in the health coaching you do. So many of us hold onto unhealthy habits by adding guilt to the equation. Thinking of my own health journey, I knew for years that I SHOULD drink more water… I did not do it. It felt like work. Then, for some reason I don’t remember, I shifted my focus from I SHOULD drink more water to I WANT TO drink more water. I was happier and more focused when I was hydrated. My weight stabilized when I drank more water. I wanted that! I took the work out of the equation and focused on my desires for health and happiness.
Vatsala Shukla says
There’s still time to do a bit of shedding and start 2014 in an uncluttered state- mental or otherwise. Thanks for the idea of shedding, Stephanie. It’s easier to decide if I am going to do something or just drop it off the task list and do something more productive.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Vatsala – Yes! Happy shedding. Starting the year lighter will be wonderful.
Danielle says
Ha ha! We are on the same page. I wrote about shoulds this week, too! I like to play with replacing should with could.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Ahh great minds Danielle… 🙂
Larry Gassin says
Great post Stephanie – profoundly simple advice and perspective for a simply profound approach to solving a chronic problem – one that”sneaks up” on so many of us and cripples creativity and stops success. Great timing too!
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Hi Larry – Glad you dropped by and thank you. I’ve found that the real “trick” is being aware and realizing that you are even doing it! Once you can build that self-awareness, shifting really can be simple.
Tandy Elisala says
Stephanie, what a great post. Woulda, shoulda and coulda… three baddddd words in the English language. When working with clients, I like to turn the shoulda comments to, what ARE you going to do? There’s a gap between what we’re not doing that we know we ‘should’ and what we are willing, able and committed to doing to change their language to… I am.. I did… I have… Much more powerful. Thanks for the reminder Stephanie. Great time of year to post this topic.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Yes! The woulda-coulda-shouldas can derail in a big way. Agreed that shifting that should into an action of yes/no is powerful. Shoulds are things we use subconsciously to guilt ourselves. Much more powerful to choose with clarity what we will do and then go about doing it.
Debra Jason says
Like Tai, I see what others are doing (on their blogs, in emails they send, etc.) and think I “should” do something similar. Then, I feel guilty that I’m not. It’s time to let go of the guilt and as you suggest, either decide to “do it” or “not.” And then, feel good about the decision. Thanks. ~Debra
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Debra – YES! Isn’t it interesting how we start seeing similarities when we read other comments? The “shoulds” hold us back from really being our brilliant selves. Glad you’re choosing to simply make a choice and let the guilt go.
Gina says
I love this. It seems to be a theme in the air; maybe it’s the season. I have so many shoulds to shed, I hardly know where to start. Books, yes. I have uploaded so many in my Kindle, that it might explode any minute. Classes that I signed up for to listen to the recordings later. So many classes that I’ve lost track of where they are! Just writing this makes me realize that I SHOULD (uh oh) stop collecting things and start using them. What would help me, I think, is to take some of the down time in the next few weeks and listen to the recordings I’ve paid for. That’s how I will shed those shoulds. It’s just amazing how much guilt can lurk inside, without you knowing it. This is kind of like Should Anonymous. “My name is Gina and I’m a shouldaholic. I should stop saying should. Oh. This is hard. I’m going to consciously work on shedding my shoulds.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Gina Thank you for taking time to comment on my post. I love what you shared! Love the shouldaholic too. 🙂 Yes, the guilt is so unhealthy and doesn’t take us anywhere with our businesses. Love that you are scheduling time to go through recordings. I decided to delete the freebies that were not what I needed right now and have faith that more will be there when I need it. Then, I looked at what I purchased and did the same thought process as I had my books. As a perpetual learner, I’m big into buying programs too. Instead, I decided to practice just-in-time training from here on out. It has shifted my time considerably and no more Shoulds!