I talk with many business owners every day that are extremely giving in their time and talents. However, when it comes to receiving, they have a bit of a harder time. (I've been there too. I'm a recovering I-can-do-it-myselfer.)
At one time I had a private client that told me that she felt weak when she asked for help. I don't hold that belief. I believe you show strength when you can recognize the things you do well and the things that you don't do well and then accept help.
Accepting help can come in the form of a friend doing something simple, or you delegating a big project in your business to someone else and everything in between.
I know you are a blessing to others. You know how wonderful it feels to help someone. Share that feeling! Let others bless you!
When you allow yourself to be supported by others you allow your message to impact more people and then the world is a better place.
Thoughts?
Until we talk again,
Live Fully — Love Openly — Laugh Often — Leverage Your Brilliance — Connect Authentically — Get Your Message Out — Serve with Impact — Prosper Everyday
Maribel Jimenez says
I love this message Stephanie! After I struggled my first few months in business my mentor said, there is power in collaboration…you can’t do it alone. I made it my theme for the year to collaborate and receive along with giving support. It is still key to my quantum business growth and I cannot reach the masses with my message alone…and I don’t want to 😉 Thanks for spreading this message!
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Maribel – What an awesome theme for your year! There is such amazing power in collaboration. You have a fabulous message, so I’m very glad that you are able to get your message out in a big way.
Vatsala Shukla says
Must be something in our childhood conditioning that strong people don’t ask for help, which stops us in our tracks from asking for timely help and instead going for the complete melt-down. I’ve been there too and am grateful that I learned to ask when I hit a roadblock or dead-end. Thank God for good friends who support me and allow me to support them in return.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
That is wonderful that you have friends that you can support and that can support you. I bet you are right in thinking we are conditioned as children. I would imagine that as we are being raised to be independent and take care of ourselves, we can lose that ability to seek assistance. It really is a fine balance isn’t it?
Martia Nelson says
Really important point, Stephanie. Especially for us independent types who default to doing things on our own. I’ve had to learn to develop my “receiving muscles” and force myself to ask for help when I needed it. After a while it got easier. We are hardwired to be part of a community of reciprocal helpers. When we won’t ask for help, we violate that biological code and become depleted, leaving us vulnerable to health issues. Part of making our health and well-being a higher priority is learning to say, “Can you help me?” Thanks for the reminder!
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Martia – I love that! Like any other muscle, our “receiving muscle” needs to be worked out in order to get stronger. I agree that trying to do everything ourselves certainly does deplete and cause health issues. My own personal health history is proof of that.
Debra Jason says
I’m getting better at this. Usually feel I “should be able to do it on my own.” However, I know I have a loving, supportive network around me and when I need them, they’re there for me (and it’s okay to ask). When it comes to business, I’m also realizing the value of asking for help – turning something over to someone (like a VA) who can get something down quickly and perhaps more efficiently than I can do myself. Thanks. 🙂 ~Debra
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Wonderful for you to share here today Debra. Thank you.
Gina says
I’ve never understood not asking for help. I love being helped! As soon as I can afford it (and often before), I add another team member. I never understood my former sister-in-law’s attitude about our mother-in-law helping her fold laundry. She wanted to do it all herself. My feeling was, do all you want to!
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Gina – Thank you for stopping by and taking time out of your day to comment. It’s wonderful that your receiving muscle is strong. That is rare. Of course, anyone that would want to come over and take care of domestic matters here is more than welcome! 🙂
Danielle says
Great post. I’ve noticed that when I hire someone who has more skill than I do at something everyone benefits. There is not payoff when I try to do it all myself. Better to focus my energies on what I am great at.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Danielle – So true and great point. Everyone benefits when you hire someone that has more skill in a particular area. They benefit by having work, you benefit by having things done well and your clients/audience benefits by amaz
Kimberly Eldredge says
Stephanie, you’ve hit it dead on again! As someone who offers services that ARE delegating (ghost blogging, Assisted Self-Publishing) the DIY mindset is something that I have to work through with my perspective clients. Not everyone can see the power and freedom that comes from delegating tasks. Sometimes you just have to let it go and let somebody else do it. Especially if it frees you up for tasks that TRULY only you can do!
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Nicely said Kimberly. Thank you! Are there things in your business that you delegate?
Christine Alejandro says
This is a point I have to remind my clients of all the time. Most of my clients are busy women and seem to have a one track mind of having to do it all themselves all the time! Asking for help doesn’t mean you have failed, it means you have delegated well!
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Christine – So true. Sometimes when we get busy it is easy to think that we can add that one more thing. What things do you do to have others help you?
Brook says
I agree. Strong people have a tribe that supports them.
Paula - Buenos Aires says
I was taught that duty was to be fulfilled and pain endured. That goes hand in hand with doing things on my own and not “to bother” others. My great grandfather being a Prussian general might have something to do with the family line. 😉
In my mid forties I started asking for help in very simple tasks, still shy about that.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
Hi Paula – Thank you for sharing your experiences. The way that we have been raised has a huge impact on our ability to ask for help. One thought… Your great grandfather didn’t do it all on his own if he was a Prussian general. Did he? To be a general you have to have others to command right? That means that he delegated quite well in order to reach the position of general. I’m glad that you are dipping your toe into the “asking for help” water.
Brenda Adams says
Once I realized that it takes a whole lot more courage and strength to ask for help (versus doing it alone) it was actually easier to reach out. I want to be a courageous, strong woman – so when I am in that place of thinking I have to do it all myself I remember that asking for help allows be to stand in that courage and strength. It also allows someone else an opportunity that they otherwise might not get. And who knows what that opportunity will open up for them in their life.
Stephanie LH Calahan says
So nicely said Brenda! Yes, it takes a whole lot more courage and strength. I love that you remind yourself of being the bigger version of you through how much you can allow others to support you. That is motivational. Thank you.